What I am about to write next is perhaps a splash of some of my unstructured thoughts and feelings that haven't been curated in the realms of logic, sequencing or linguistic artistry.
However what it does represent is the raw display of internal emotions that contain almost all shades of the rainbow, like a canvas that wants to be painted but had no indication of what will it behold.
So, a few months ago I had a wave of emotional emancipation where the independent and mentally strong me decided that I had to bury the baggage from my past and look forward to that liberation where I was just me and not a girl waiting to belong to someone. Although most people who know me perhaps perceive me to be bold and self confident. They may also think that I depend on no one but me.
But the truth is, for years I have lived with a hollow inside me. The hollow that has gutted me on most nights with lonliness and pain. My past was ruining my present and my future. Everyday I waited for someone to tell me that they were there. That what I was in, was just a phase. But unfortunately that never happened.
Seasons passed, surroundings changed, my wisdom sprouted and I changed from the girl waiting on the porch to the lady who understood life. The life that is so precious. The one where we only get a single chance to make it right. Life, that taught me changes are a blessing, and disruptions do morph into valuable injections of "life skills".
At first the transition was an alien feeling. It was me surrendering to years of me "as I knew me" to the new "me" where letting go was "Okay". Where I didn't have to reprimand myself in my own eyes. Of course, each day was journey, some days better than others.
After all these months I can truly and earnestly say that being emotionally self sufficient is one of the best feelings I have experienced after being a mom.
Only so much for now..... Will be back for a lot more.!
Ciao....
