Waqt kambakth

Behkhudi nahi, h yeh kasmakash

Kuch pal aaye aur waqt Jesé theher hi gaya kambakhat

Na aankhe Mili , naa hi Andaaz,

na awaaz ki hui khanak, 

bus hum to sirf  khwab mei hi Gaye behak…kuch vaade hue aur kuch tabdiliya, Chund lamhe hi sahi lekin lazmi raha aapko kehna Humara shukriya!

Na tanhayee khatam hui aur na hi Milne ki arzoo lekin mil kar bhi akele hi rahe hum, na milke bhi Juda bhi toh nahi ho paye hum!

Humne  mani shikast aur phir sunai gayee woh nazm jis me kabhi aap shamil the, lekin aaj usme woh ruh kaha, bus ek Mausam ka afzana suna aur tanhayee ki kahani ! 

Behkhudi nahi, h yeh kasmakash

Kuch pal aaye aur waqt Jesé theher hi gaya kambakhat

- writing after ages …Meghna

Pancakes

It was late at night! Miguel had starved the whole day! He entered the empty house, the pancake batter and few pancakes lay still there! The smell of vanilla essence brought back her memories!

It was the worst day of his life! The call came through on the way home! The cops called him and summoned him to the police station to identify a corpse. He entered the police station and made the heaviest walk of his life through to the morgue! She hadn’t rung him the whole day! The anticipation of what he may witness next was running shivers down his spine. She was going to take the car to the grocers to buy the flour for pancakes! 

He reached the morgue, they pulled drawer no 6338 and there she lay frozen but yet at peace! They said the flour and maple syrup spread everywhere on her and the car as she hit her head in the car after a crash!  Miguel’s world shook upside down. He wanted to die himself, a myriad of emotions flew through him and his whole life with her flashed before his eyes! Silence, silence is what he felt, nerve chilling silence. 

Miguel completed the formalities and left the station. Drove to his house with more questions than ever before! He did not have the mental capacity to digest any of this! He wanted peace and yearned for the pancake that she would have made if things were normal today! 

Miguel entered the house the smell of the pancake brought back her memories.

Forever

Harmony and Evan met after 20 years. They talked, listened taking turns and also let silence do the talking. They melted within for a while reminiscent of the past, reliving the years apart in a few moments!

Evan conquered the world and Harmony grew wiser from a teenage girl to mother and a wife. Both were successful and found partners that were supportive and loving!

After several hours there was nothing to talk but the alarming thing was the chats didn’t feel the same. The companionship felt aloof and the “US” in them went missing. The more they spoke, the further apart they felt to her! Evan went through his own mental journey - partially disappointed and completely in disbelief! The one he yearned for 20 years... doesn’t feel the same... moving on seems finally an option! The next minute the teenager in him jumped, denying to let go, challenging reality from what his heart believed!

Evan being Evan, suddenly, held out his hand for Harmony to hold - this time forever! Harmony simply held her daughter in her arms, kissed Evan on the forehead and walked away - this time FOREVER!

A turn.... or an eye opener

{Late Post - I was hospitaled last week - but the post took longer to appear}


I must admit this year my visits to the blog have significantly increased perhaps due to the abundantly overflowing writing juices and also me finding the time on multiple occasions.

So as I lay in my hospital bed in a surprisingly comfortable hospital room, I thank my surgeon and her team for being the miracle workers they are and for allowing me (by the virtue of sanity post-operation despite the gruesome pain) to imprint some of my thoughts into this blog.

Surgeries can be painful and the recovery to health even more, but when someone is blessed by awesome family and  a precious bunch of friends, the pain seemingly impacts less. It almost creates occassions and experiences that introduces a filter between the fair-weather friends and the real ones. The ones that care and the ones that seemingly appear to care. Whilst this concept of telling the worldly wise people from the the ethereally beautiful may be evident to most as part of their people interaction 101, to me this was quite a bit of an education.

On a different note, while the medical chaos and the surgical conundrums were coming to an end - I experienced an event that confirmed that bygones are bygones and need to be left there.  I also experienced that "Life has a plan" whether we like it or otherwise.... "LIFE ALWAYS HAS A PLAN!!" To quote Soren Kierkegaard - “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” So simple and true.



Without needing to delve into the nitty gritty of the situation - the juxtaposition between my expactation and reality was rather sharp. What baffles me as humans is the need to perceive things as convenient when we need it and then change the rule and be "all grown up" when it comes to someone other then themselves. Myself included I suppose we all meddle the rules as they befit us. 

So, why is it so difficult when we experience that kind of behavior from ones we most love and why can't loving just be uni-directional? In fact, if love expects a two way (emotional, physical and spiritual) street, is it even love ? Or perhaps a barter of sorts?


There are few episodes in life that are best peeled in sections and spoken about at length. And then there are others that just need to be quickly summarized in a few words and left for them to be understood in one's own perspective. My blog takes the latter vein.... so only so much to indite. This may leave a sour after taste... or perhaps an incomplete chain of thoughts... either way ... we say it all when we say nothing at all or in this case... something at least!

Ciao!

Khusfemiya

Lamhe

Behtuki Zindagi!

Faaslo mein nazdeekiya

Aur zindigazi mein takdeer

Dono hi hai betuke

Yeh - ehsaas 

Hai hakikat ya ek khwab?

Jeena toh humne bhi chaha
Gustakhiya toh humse bhi huyi
Lekin jese nikle aftaab har raat
Aur din bhar rahe bekhabar
Wase hi hum bhi aaj kal..
Kuch kehte h aur phir rote h har baar!

Ibadat se ki mohabaat
Aur junoon se kiya ateraaz
Phir kyu aaj kal pata nahi
Dil sunnta hi nahi khudki aawaz!

In lamho mein job goom jo jati hu mein
Koi kasmakash me ghool jaati hu mein
Tareef unki karu ke khudse gila
Kuch behtuki si zindagi aur yeh silsila!

P.S: I apologize in advance to all the great Hindi poets and poetesses... this is my first humble attempt in this language. Just rolled off my keyboard in those words... straight from my heart! 

Following Buddha

Recently my awakening has taken the top most priority in my life and after years of oblivion, I have found the path that will lead me to inner peace, contentment and enlightenment.

I have discovered "Buddha". The Buddha that lives in each one of us. Whilst, I don't fully understand Buddhism and the commitment it needs, what I do understand is that the "role model" I had been in search for all my life ... is no other than "Buddha". I am painted in His wisdom, His profound sense of detachment and His unsurpassed sense of contentment. I absolutely love His advice on "smiling".

They say, to become a follower one has to accept their mentor wholeheartedly and let go of the "ego and pride". Like the enlightened one says, " When you come to a point where you have no need to impress anybody, your true freedom will begin." I arrived at that point when I got to learn of the Great Buddha.

The simplicity in His preaching, combined with immense value to equip me with "Life Skills" leaves me in His awe each time I read something from Dhammapada or Pali Canon.

I revere Him with all my heart and seek to find the truth in everything I do in His footsteps. I will endeavour from here on to live in the "moment", not a minute ahead or gone by. 

Thank you Thathagata for letting me believe that "I can be my own light and that I am complete within me."

Buddham Sharanam Gachammi